Puns by the Punnet, all about [Sir] Keir Starmer

Fill your boots.

“Pick your own” favourites to share.
Please don’t assume that they’re in any order.
I’m afraid that you’ll need to look through them all to find the “plums”.

Why puns about the Leader of the Opposition at Westminster, and not about the First Minister of Scotland ?

Because I can think of lots and lots for him . . . whereas I can’t think of any at all for

“ms. omNIC-shambles”.

So, the Labour Party’s leader’s name is “Skyr” Starmer ?

Isn’t that some kind of bland yoghurt ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keyer” Starmer because, every time a possible vehicle for Labour’s recovery hoves into view, he decides to scratch it ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kirsch” Starmer because anyone who has heard him trying to redefine the word “woman” feels like they need a stiff drink afterwards ?

Is it true that the Labour Party’s leader is called “Circa” Starmer because he is “approximately” useless ?

Shouldn’t the Labour leader be called “Sir Keir Stammer“, given that most of his bright ideas come to a stuttering halt ?

What is my opinion of Sir Keir Starm . . . . . . . . . meh !?!

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kir” Starmer because he’s a little bit syrupy, and a little bit whiney ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Chia” Starmer because his chances of becoming Prime Minister are about the same size as a chia seed ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Ptarmigan” because everbody likes to grouse about his leadership ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Kefir” Starmer because, after the initial novelty, it all just seems to have gone a bit sour ?

Do those who have a smattering of French call the Labour leader: “Qui est” Starmer, because nobody knows who he is ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Ketosis” Starmer because he would burn through the public finances as quickly as ketones burn through body-fat ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keirin” Starmer because he always crashes when trying to overtake his opponents.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Strummer” because people in the Labour Party keep asking: “should he stay, or should he go?” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “StarMeerkat” because his solutions are too “simples” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kia-Ora” Starmer because his woke policies are going to squash any chance of a Labour victory in the next General Election ?

Here’s one for the petrol-heads amongst you:
Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kia” Starmer because his party has gone to cee’d ?

Actor in 2001, A Space Odyssey: Keir Dullea

Politician in 2021, A Political Oddity: Keir Dull, eh !?!

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kea” Starmer because he has got about the same chance of becoming Prime Minister as a dead parrot ?
[Nestor notabilis, specifically].

Do those who like to speak Franglais call the Labour leader “Cirque Hier” Starmer because he’s yesterday’s man, . . . running a circus, . . . and wishes that the French were still telling us what to do ?

Great Labour Leaders:

Then: Keir Hardie
Now: Keir Hardly

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kheer” Starmer because he’ll get his just desserts at the next election ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sika” Starmer because people look at his performance, then think: “Oh deer, . . . oh deer, . . . oh deer!” ?

Isn’t the current Labour Party leader the same person who tried to Starm-roller the British people into having to keep voting again on the E.U. issue until they gave the “right” answer ?

[Q: Which brand of heavy equipment did he use in that attempt ?
A: Cater-pillock. ]

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Seeker” Starmer because he has no real idea of where he is going, or what he is looking for ?

Here’s one for all fans of Scotticisms:
Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keich” Starmer because he talks a lot of shite ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keira” Starmer because the people who gave him the job regret having done so . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . nightly ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Cerys” Starmer because he induces Catatonia in the voters ?

Can “Sir Sheer Star-Remoaner” be trusted to keep implementing Brexit ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Key-Arse” Starmer because, within the Shadow Cabinet, he’s the first among equals ?

Labour Party policy seems to assume that most of their traditional voters are bigots who need re-educating.
Well, that seems to be their Keirrent attitude, anyway.

Enough of his woke nonsense !

Do we have to listen to any more from “Ache-Ear” Starmer ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Chiro” Starmer because people feel that they need a chiropracter after he has got their backs up ?

What is the true attitude towards the E.U. of the Labour leader, Keir StarMerkel ?

Doesn’t he believe in the Government having greater control over the lives of the citizens, Keir StateMore ?

Of course I know what the Labour Party leader’s name is.

It’s . . . err Kee . . . err St . . .um . . .err

Yes, that’s him ! A very memorable fellow.

How can it be that the leader of the Labour Party rarely knows what is the right thing to do, despite his name being: “Here’s Dharma” ?

What do you think would happen to the green shoots of recovery in the economy under an administration run by Sir Keir Strimmer ?

What would be the ideal ?

To live in a world where every action steers karma.

But what do we actually get, in this world ?

Keir Bloody Starmer.

Q: What can Wikipedia be describing here ?:

“Individual subjectivity and, in particular, extremes of emotion [are] given free expression in reaction to the perceived constraints of rationalism imposed by the Enlightenment”.

A: Sir Keir “Sturm und Drang”.

Is the writing on the wall for Labour’s Star-Mural ?

We were getting on perfectly well with integrating our society before the Idunceitarians, led by Keir Stir-More weighed in.

Differences between American English and British English, #317:

In American English, “GitHub” refers to an open-source community where over 65 million software developers together shape the future of Bitcoin and all sorts of other software.

Whereas . . .

In British English, “GitHub” refers to the Shadow Cabinet.

Will his wokeness finally kill off the Labour Party ?
. . . Keirs Dahmer.

Q: Can you complete the last word in this sentence ?

“Sir Keir Starmer is a complete and utter w . . . ker.”

A: “Woker” !

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Start Me Up” because he can’t always get what he wants ?

Is their current leader called “Cursed Harmer” because that’s what he is to the Labour Party’s prospects ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Koo Starkmer” because s/he is destined only to play a bit-part in the history of this country ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Starmelda” because he thinks that no-one else can possibly fill his shoes ?

Did the Labour Party choose Starmer to be their leader because they wanted access to a whole Keirnucopia of folly ?
. . . so that between them and their traditional voters they could have “the rift which keeps on giving” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir Star-Myriad” because that gives an indication of the number of things which are wrong with him ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Cur’s Start-Meal” because he’s making such a dog’s breakfast of his leadership ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kursk” Starmer because he has got one hell of a battle on his hands
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with communists.

Q: Which Tolkein characters do the Shadow Cabinet style themselves after ?

A: The Followship of the Wrong.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Circus Tamer” because it’s a lot easier to do the job when there are no “Big Beasts” to contend with ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Starmerceutical” because you’d need to be on very strong medication to think that he’d make the best Prime Minister ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Smarmer” because he is overconfident that his wokeness will actually win people over ?

Q: Where does Keir Starmer get his tables and chairs from ?

A: Woke Furnitureland.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Kiss” Starmer because he can kiss goodbye to any chance of becoming Prime Minister ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Tamarin” because he wants to monkey about with the public finances ?

Q: From which website does Keir Starmer get most of his information ?

A: Wokey-pedia.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Carotid” Starmer because, if he went for the jugular, you know that he’d miss even that ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Skier” Starmer because, for him, it’s all downhill from here ?

[N.B. For the purposes of the following question, “Caius” is pronounced “Keez”, as in Caius College, Cambridge.]

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Caius T. Moore” because the proportion of his obsessions which coincides with the priorities of “Red Wall” voters is the same as that between the surface areas of East Timor and the whole planet ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Starter” because he has no experience of Government ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Steer-More!” because he’s not in control of his party’s direction of travel ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Startler” because of the tax rises which he’d bring in ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Cairo” Starmer because, when former Labour voters are asked whether this Giza is one of the worst ‘King leaders the party has ever had, who’s as dry as dust, and plagued by problems, whose northern supporters are desert-ing him, whose writings are so cryptic that they might as well be in hieroglyphics, who’s facing a Nile-ation at the next election, and who talks a Pharoah’ld lot of twaddle . . .

. . . he’ll generally be met with a cHorus of disapproval, of people who do Nut agree with him,

. . . as they tend to Tut, and then reply:
“I Sphinx so.” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sir Cheer Stomper” because his wokeness makes him such a killjoy ?

If you pronounce the Labour leader’s name with a very heavy French accent, you get: “Qui est tout a mer“, which means “Who is all at sea”.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Career Stymied” because that is what he will be after the next General Election ?

Is the Leader of the Opposition called Keir Single-Termer because that is how long he’s going to last as leader of the Labour Party ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir’s Trimmer, because that’s what he’s going to do to the number of the Party’s seats in the Commons ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Kerry” Starmer because everyone thinks: “If I were you, Sir, I wouldn’t be starting from here” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir’s Tamper because that is what he does with the evidence that there are two chromosonally-distinct sexes ?

Here’s one for fans of “Sci-Fi” [oh, all right, “SF” if you insist]:

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir Nostromo because his wokeness is completely alien to the British way of thinking ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Koi” Starmer because he likes to carp on about the identitarian agenda ?

Speaking of which:
Shouldn’t those who espouse the Identitarian agenda be as shunned by polite society as those who propound the Aryan one ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Search ‘ere” Starmer because, no matter how hard you look, you can’t find any decent policies ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sir-Kit” Starmer because, when trying to come up with popular policies, he keeps going round in circles ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Timeout” because he’s trying to pause reality with his woke absurdities ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Shiner” because that’s what the British people will give him at the ballot box when given the chance ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Sty-Mar” because he keeps making such a pig’s ear of things ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Streamer” because he thinks that “The Handmaid’s Tale” is a documentary about current affairs ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Star-Merlin” because he has no falcon clue what he is doing ?

Will he stand up for the real interests of people in Northern constituencies
. . . Keirs Demur ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Star-Merkin” because he needs something to cover up the embarrassment of the inadequacies of his [Parliamentary] members ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Keirdak Instarmatic” because he’s Labouring under the mis[h]apprehension that the next race to Number 10 is going to be a photo-finish ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Steamer” because he thinks that words such as “male” and “female” need to be steam-cleaned out of the English language ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Stoma” because the public can’t stomach his woketopianism ?

Why do people think that he’s a complete muppet ?

Who ?

Keirmet.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Starling” because there are lots of murmurations about his leadership ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Turmoil” because that’s what his woke policies would unleash if he were to get into power?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Starmatter” because, if he gets into power, the public finances will turn into a Black Hole ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader so woke because he once mis-heard the term “policy wonk”, and thought: “That sounds good” ?

Is the head of the Labour Party’s called “Keir’s Timer” because the clock is ticking on his leadership ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Tomahawk” because he’ll be facing the axe after the next General Election ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Keep Schtumer” because he wants to draw as little of the voters’ attention as possible to the wokeness of his policies ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Coerce d’Amour” because he thinks that he can make the voters love him ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Stromatolite” because his whole platform is one fossilised “sell” piled on top of another ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Have-a-Care” Starmer because the policies which he is driving are so reckless ?

In pushing his woke dogma, isn’t the Labour leader being “too Keirlevver by half” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Curare” Starmer because he is paralysing the body politic and poisoning public discourse with his woke nonsense ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Core” Starmer because he gives everyone the pip ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Corrs” Tarmer because he makes the voters want to “Runaway” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Stay-More” because he’s in no hurry to lift lockdowns or other restrictions on going out ?

Here’s one for Formula 1 fans:

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “KERS” Starmer because, even when he thinks he’s on the right track, he keeps having to slam the brakes on any moves he makes, as he tries to ensure that not all of his energy is wasted ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “kHEher starmHER” because s/he prefers an illogical view of the two sexes to a biological one ?

No pupil is ever completely useless, as he can always serve as an example of how not to be.

No leader of the Labour Party is ever completely useless, as he can always serve as a living, breathing, example of what happens when the Loony Left takes over the Asylum.

Q: What is the Prime Minister trying to do at PMQ’s ?

A: Skewer Starmer.

Why is “Sir Woke-alot” determined to take the Labour Party “right-on” to the inevitable electoral outcome ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Corries” Starmer because people ask themselves: “What the folk is he doing ?” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Stall-More” because he’s nowhere near ready to take power ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Tarmac” because he needs to cover up how rocky is the road which he’s leading his party down ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Stour-maw” because he’s about as wet as a rivermouth ?

Do you think that people were being sarcastic when they nicknamed the Labour leader:
“So Clear” Starmer ?

One for Corrie fans:

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Tarmey” because he’d probably make about as good a job of running the country as Jack Duckworth would have ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Karst” Starmer because he’s leading his party onto the electoral rocks, then down into the sinkhole of wokeness ?

Q: Which “Red Wall” seat in Cumbria is Keir Starmer hoping to win back for Labour ?

A: “Woke-ington”.

Q: Can Starmer be trusted to keep implementing Brexit in full ?
A: Of Keirse not !

Another one for fans of Scotticisms:

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir Stramash because of the ructions he causes ?

Will his Party finally turn on him, at the end of Keir’s Drama ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Simmer” because things are not exactly “on the boil” while he’s in charge ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sir Kira Kurostarmer” because he’s living in the past, and sees everything in black & white ?

How would I describe Keir Star-Mere-Politician ?

Q: Where does the Labour leader go to suck the lifeblood out of the body politic ?

A: Castle KeirStarm.

[It’s in Transylvania.]

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Starman” because that’s the closest his political career will come to taking off ?

. . . or because, when it comes to Political Correctness, he’s a bit of a space cadet ?

. . . or because, after the next General Election, it will be more a case of “Ashes to Ashes” for him ?

[Did you know that Keir “What a Plonker!” Starmer’s middle name is “Rodney” ?]
Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir-Odd-Deny Starmer” because, if you’re going to be in denial about anything, “The Facts of Life” is a very strange subject to pick ?

Another Scotticism:

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “kHEE-HAW” Starmer because he knows nothing about how to regain Scottish voters ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir Starmer, snake-charmer” because he’s good at putting all those he’s addressing into a trance ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Starmite” because you either love the fact that he’s not Corbyn, or hate his woke nonsense ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Keirosel” Starmer because he thinks that just spinning more & more, day after day, is all he needs to do ?

Don’t voters in Northern constituencies want Sir Keir’s woke nonsense to feature less in Labour’s platform, and economically-beneficial policies to “Star-More” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keirsty Muir” because the Labour Party is so unpopular in Scotland that he needs to go in disguise every time he visits there ?

Keir Starmer’s organisation is determined to re-brand itself yet again, as it refocuses its objectives, away from those with occupations to those with politically-correct pre-occupations,
. . . and away from what’s in the interests of the working class towards serving the obsessions of the “woking” class.

Lie. Bore. . . . . . . . . Pity.

Q: What is the name of the current leader of the Labour Party ?

A: I couldn’t Keir less!

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir Stirrer” because he just can’t leave things alone, even when they clearly should be ?

How far has the man at the top of the Labour Party got on his great journey of leadership ?

Quay: Er . . . Still-Moored.

Previous Labour leaders allowed feminists to have their say in the debate about gender . . .

. . . but Keir’s Sterner.

In thinking that traditional Labour voters wanted Bolshevism, Comrade Corbynchov was dumb . . .

. . . but in thinking that they want a government which pretends that there are no biological differences between the sexes,
Keir’s Dumber.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sir-Keir-lation Stemmer” because he is cutting off the supply of fresh blood to the heartlands ?

Q: Why are people loath to consult at Sir Keir’s surgeries ?

A: Because they fear being made to feel “woke” halfway through the procedure.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Smurfer” because most of the people in this country seem to be resolutely blue, as long as he remoans at the helm ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sir Keen Stamper” because of his attitude to free debate over gender issues ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Gear” Starmer because he looks the part . . . but that’s about it ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Strober” because he thinks he’s flashy,
but is not as bright as he first appears,
. . . and he annoys the hell out of everybody ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Skomer” because, intellectually, he’s living on a tiny speck of an island on his own, completely cut off from the rest of the country ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Schumer” because his leadership is turning into a “Trainwreck” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sir Coaster More” because he thinks that merely declaring that he is now a “~~woman~~” “Prime Minister” is going to be enough to turn him into one ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Shakira” Starmer because he will say whatever nonsense the woke-dopes come up with, whenever, wherever they tell him to ?

Q: What did people think of Keir StarmEU‘s doctrine of telling them to keep voting on membership until they gave the “right” answer ?

A: They thought that it was . . .
” excrement,
. . . with a capital ‘X’ ” !

His inability to correctly define the word “woman” is going to cause Sir Keir “Stumbler” to lose his Gen[d]eral Election campaign, badly.

That’ll cervix him right !

Is it the case that Sir Keir Starmer is so “woke” that he has difficulty sleeping at night ?

Whackier Starmer: just what is their gender ?

Sorry, there were some typos in that.
It should have read:

Wokier Starmer: just what is their agenda ?

When Keir Starmer took over as Labour leader, just after the pandemic started, was it due to the whole new policy of “socialist-distancing”,
. . . for reasons of health
. . . of the Labour Party ?

Is the current Labour leader intent on the exstarmernation of all logic, rationality, and sense in the gender identity debate ?

You should be careful what you wish for . . .

Britain will be an “ex-Starmer nation”, once the people have had an opportunity to vote on his woke-topianism.

In being the high priest of the new religion of extreme and irrational political correctness, Keir Starmer seems to think that he has finally found his woke-ation in life.

Q: What will be the end result in “Red Wall” areas left in the trail of the current Labolide leader cratering his party’s chances with his belief in the metooeoric impact of the wokeness to which he is cometed ?

A: Starmergeddon.

Q: What will be the Key Starmelection slogan ?

A: “Weakness & Wokeness!”

Has the Labour Party miscalckeirlated in its estarmation of the appeal of its ~~nadir~~ leader to voters ?

Q: Who did the Labour Party turn to, in an attempt to put a Tigger-ish bounce into their approval ratings ?

A: Keyore Starmer.

Is the Labour leader on a Keirlision course with the party’s traditional voters ?

Q: What is the most likely outcome for the Labour Party at the next General Election ?

A: A complete Keir crash.

Q: Is there no end to the punishment that Keir Starmer deserves for his headlong rush into wrongheadedness ?

A: No.
[He deserves to pay the punalty.]

Only a complete Keirleptomaniac would try and take everything that Stonewall says for himself, and then try to insert it into his party’s manifest[lywrong]o.

Given where they are starting from, it’s going to take the Labour Party more than one General Election to have any hope of getting back into power.

I’m not sure that their current leader has the starmina to see that through to the end.

Indeed, his wokeness may prove to be an instarmountable obstacle to rebuilding the “Red Wall”.

It’s ironic, given his surname, but the current Labour leader,
. . . well, he’s not exactly “Star Material”, is he ?

Given that:

For the leader of the opposition forces, it was established a long time ago that his views on gender and identity are far, far away from those of Labour voters;
His attitude to the issue seems to be “May the Farce be with you”;
He thinks that Chewbacca was a “Wokey”;
& he still seems to think that fighting “The Empire” is the most important task . . .

Shouldn’t the “Culture Wars” by now have be renamed: “Starm Wars” ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Keir “Stromberg” because:

As a proponent of narcissistic wokeism, he’s The Sir Who Loved “Me, Me, Me”.
He’d like to see James binned.
He has a 007% chance of becoming PM after the next General Election.
He’s facing the Jaws of defeat.
His whole future is underwater.
There is a Q to replace him.
The sharks are circling.
No Anybody could do it better.
His views on the environment are quite extreme.
He is in denial of biological reality.
He’s as detached from real people as someone living in Atlantis.
His base will ultimately crumble to nothing.
He’s going to go from deluded to deluged.
He receives a Curt response from voters.
He will end up feeding the fishes.
He’s a massive tanker . . . ultimately torpedoed.
He leaves the voters shaken, not stirred.
He has a dangerous sidecar.
His mad schemes to reshape the world are all doomed to failure.
[American pronunciation required:] There’s a missile-lignment between him & the people.

And because James Bond reminds him about:

Working with one’s frenemies.
Constantly worrying about whether “The Reds” will turn on him.
Poll ratings falling off a cliff.
Being no good with MoneyPenny.
Soon being no Moore.
Being tasked with working with a particular woman, but not knowing whether or not to trust her ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Psammead” because “It” doesn’t believe that anyone is a “he” or a “she” ?

Q: What is a synonym for “the Shadow Cabinet” ?
A: A Keirlection of numpties.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Simurgh” because s/he believes that everyone is neither one thing nor another ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Kiel” Starmer because he’d prefer it if Germany were still deciding our maritime policy, rather than us ?

Have you heard that the woke mob are trying to influence a re-translation of Victor Hugo’s classic, “Notre-Dame de Paris” ?

It’s now going to be called: “Somebody’s non-binary entity of nowhere-in-particular”.

Its main character ? “Keirsimodo”.

[This rings true to me;
I had a hunch that something like this was going to happen.]

Will he ever be able to get out of the morass [with the emphasis on “ass”] of wokery into which he has led his party, and onto proper policies which benefit people, . . .

. . . “Keir Still-Mired” ?

Who will most probably be the wreckeir of Labour’s chances at the next General Election ?

Q: What is Keir Starmer’s favourite cave in Somerset ?

A: Wokery Whole.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Keiller’s” Starmer because, whenever he tries to reconcile the wishes of his woketivists with those of voters, he always finds himself in a jam ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Kyrgios” Starmer because, whenever he says that Number 10 is where he wants to be, the voters’ first thought is to give him the elbow ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir Keir “Star [-nosed] Mole” because that animal, like his woke policies, needs to be kept well-hidden,
. . . and can’t risk being exposed to the light of day ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Keir’s Torment” because that is what it will be for the whole country if he is ever given the power to inflict his wokey-dopey-headedness onto the rest of us ?

Is the current leader of the Labour Party a serious, long-term contender to be Prime Minister ?

. . . or is he just a Keir-taker leader ?

Q: What is Keir Starmer’s favourite 1970’s New York proto-punk band ?

A: The Remoans.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Keystone More” because his Shadow Cabinet reminds voters of the Keystone Cops more than anything else ?

The shadow cabinet don’t act like professionals;

It’s like they’re almost armerteurs.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Coast Armour” because that’s what we’ll need if he ever gets to be in charge of this country’s immigration non-policy ?

For the whole of 2021, the Labour Party leader’s net approval ratings have been about minus 30%.

You mean that consumers keep giving his “product” low scores in ~~Customer~~ Keirstarmer Service Surveys ?!?

In selecting their current leader, why did the Labour Party ask vets to provide them with Keirtamine, the well-known ~~horse~~ House-tranquiliser ?

Isn’t the result what is known in the jargon as “the K-hole” ?

Why is there such a Keirmotion every time there’s a Shadow Cabinet ~~kerfuffle~~ reshuffle ?
Ange another thing:
Is it because some of his colleagues are determined to Rayner on his parade ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “Kirov” Starmer because he likes to make a song & dance about his woke obsessions,
. . . but voters don’t care what he bally-well thinks of such matters ?

Q: What is the current verdict of Labour Party members on their leader ?
A: “We Keirn’t believe he’s not better !”

Can the current leader of the Labour Party realistically hope to form a majority government after the next General Election,
. . . or is the best that he can hope for a keirlition with the LibDems ?

Q: What name was given to the purge of the Corbynistas by the current Labour leader ?
A: Keirlonic ~~irrigation~~ irritation.

Q: Which optical device should one look through when watching footage of the Labour Party leader defining the word “woman” ?

A: A Keir-lied-o-scope.

Is the Labour Party’s leader called Sir “kEARS’ Trauma” because that’s what we all have to suffer whenever we listen to him ?

Is the Labour Party’s leader called “Sore Keirlostarmy” because he’s full of shit ?

Will the next Labour manifesto be a testarment to its leader’s woke-tarian folly ?

Q: How far short will the current Labour leader fall at the next General Election ?

A: By about a Keirlometre.

Q: What is the name of the condition where someone acts out the motions of being the leader of the Labour Party, whilst actually still being soundly asleep ?

A: Starmnambulism.

In trying to Keir-nibble-ise one lobby-group’s entire woke agenda for his own purposes, isn’t the current Labour leader going to run into a “Stone wall” ?

Q: What would a Labour victory at the next General Election mean for free speech in this country ?

A: It would be an absolute Keirtastrophe.

Q: What is Keirlamitous Starmer’s basic political doctrine ?

A: I “woke up” one morning, . . . and, once I gain power, everyone else will just have to do the same.